Saved in the City

A man in Starbucks asked to borrow my pen and then spent nearly ten minutes meticulously writing a Valentine’s day card for his wife.    

I’ve always pondered the delicate balance between providence and free will.  And in this particular moment I finally have a glimpse of how that balance works.  I have a feeling that this realization and bit of understanding are fleeting.  I’m sure, once I get into a situation I don’t understand I’ll plead with the Lord again for understanding.  But for now, I’m happy to share my little revelation.  

 

I’m engaged and I consider it a miracle.  I don’t consider it a miracle that I finally found my perfect partner (I think the Lord had us in mind when He knit us in the womb) - what I do consider a miracle is that I didn’t settle for someone else.  

 

I say that because prior to falling for the love of my life, I dated someone for nearly eight years.  And on the surface we seemed like a great match.  Our relationship was good enough.  And I think that if you listen to Christian culture, you’ll hear that good enough is more than enough.  In fact, good enough is great because; “life is hard and marriage is hard,” “iron sharpens iron,” “God isn’t concerned with your happiness, He’s concerned with your holiness.”  Those are the kind of statements that kept me hanging on with white knuckles to a relationship that was good enough.  

 

I remember there were months and months were I would pray to the Lord every day, “Please Lord, make it clear if this is the one for me.  Please give me a sign.  I’m willing to be in this relationship, and be sharpened - but I’m also willing to walk away, if that’s Your will.  Please make it clear to me.”  On occasion, the word I would hear was “wait,” but most of the time, there was just silence.  No clear sign.  Only a slight discomfort in my spirit that felt like this relationship that was good enough, wasn’t enough.   Interestingly, the discomfort wasn’t enough to move me away from the relationship and the good enough, was just enough to keep me in.  And I think in that strange limbo is where the mysterious relationship between providence and free will is best seen.  

 

I’m a doer, an accomplisher - so to sit, in limbo, with no answer, for years, was very difficult for me.  I fought against the Lord.  I shook my fist at Him.  I wanted a freaking answer.  I wanted to turn left or right.  Just tell me Lord, I’ll do it.  But no, He wanted me right where He had me.  It was a hard pill to swallow.  And it still is.  But I’m thankful for it.  I’m thankful for that journey because the Lord truly blessed me through it.  He allowed me to grow in a safe place and kept me safe from my own wildness.  He sharpened me.  He taught me.  That eight years was a funny dance between God’s will and mine - with me struggling as hard as I could to lead - but in the end, He was leading all the time.  

 

I remember one time, a very godly woman saying to me, “Just dance with Jesus until He allows you to dance with someone else.”  And even though I thought it was a little cheesy, it struck me so deeply.  The thought of Jesus, the God of the Universe, stepping aside and saying, “This is the one I’ve chosen for you to dance with,” was so powerful and so sweet.  

 

I’m so thankful that right now Jesus is holding my hand and showing me my partner.  A man who understands me and loves me.  A man that I am quick to respect and support.  A man who gently sharpens me and lovingly helps me grow.  I’m so thankful for this perfect gift.  And I am so thankful for God’s grace and providence every time I fought to get out of His embrace and dance with someone else.  

 

His Providence and Grace are not hindered by our naivety, stupidity or foolishness. Amen.


That’s one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we’ve got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we’ve had or wanted.

—Margo Channing, All About Eve

10 (fab) beauty products under $10

by Louisa Wilson 

Like many Americans, I spent the last year or so of my life unexpectedly on unemployment, trying to live as frugally as possible, in hopes I could still be a good steward of my finances (as Christians are called to be), even with a drastic cut in income.  For a Sephora junkie like me, let me tell you, this hasn’t been easy! I spent the first few weeks trying to conserve my beloved products, then mourning as I reluctantly tossed the empty bottles, compacts and packages in the trash.  Once I fished out an especially loved product, thinking maybe I can get just one more use out of this…But alas, it was in vain.  Finally, I had to face the fact that I was going to have to find cheap replacements in my local Target, Walmart or CVS to get my fix.  So ladies, here’s what I found out…Most of these items aren’t half bad. In fact, many are just as good if not better than what I was paying two, even three times as much for at a cosmetic counter.  In an effort not to hide my frugality but instead let it shine, I’m going to share my 10 under $10 favorites with you today.  I’ll be keeping these products in my repertoire even when I am able to spend more and I hope I inspire you to do the same!  

1.  Pond’s Original Makeup Remover Wipes.  My fave product ever. No water required, no more excuses for wearing your makeup to bed (A HUGE no no.)   I’ve tried them all and this is the only one that takes off every kind of face product known to man, including waterproof eye makeup.  Keep these by your bed.

2.  Revlon ColorStay Aqua Mineral Makeup SPF 13. I’m cheating a little here.  It can run in the $11 range, but with a $1 or $2 coupon like I used, or on sale, you can get it for under $10. It’s worth it.  This is sheer, natural, matte coverage that truly does not budge, even with sweat or humidity.  It’s not officially waterproof so perhaps it’s not beach worthy but for a hot summer day, this can’t be beat.  It’s hard to match my peachy-white skin but this one does it flawlessly. My shade: Fair. Of course!

3.  Cover Girl Outlast Lipstain in #415. Long wearing, just slick a little clear gloss or balm over it to keep your lips moist since it does tend to dry. The perfect not peach, not red shade. It’s somewhere in the middle and goes with everything.

4.  Maybelline ColorSensation Lipstick in #465 Madison Mauve.  Lovely deep purple shade, just right for summer’s cooler colors.  Medium coverage, no funky taste and lasts several hours with no bleeding outside your lipline. There are some great reds in this line too!

5.  Maybelline The Falsies Volum’ Express Mascara in Very Black. I am rarely happy with ANY mascara.  This one has surprised me.  The curved brush makes application a cinch and keeps the mascara from depositing on your upper eyelid. It has minimal flake and minimal under eye transfer even after hours of wear.  It’s jet black and 2-3 coats really gives lashes quite a boost, especially for night time wear.  My only gripe: The spring on the wand is almost too springy…I have to use another brush to go over my lashes after each coat to separate my lashes better.  

6.  Cover Girl Lash Blast Fusion Mascara in Very Black. Yes, two made my list.  This mascara is my go to daytime mascara.  It deposits less product on the lashes, but still provides long and full lashes.  Flaking/transfer is minimal and the brush is my absolute favorite.  Have to be careful with upper eyelid transfer however, due to the large diameter of the brush. This is also the brush I use after applying The Falsies.  Just clean an old one and keep it with your stash of makeup brushes.  

7. Revlon ColorStay Brow Enhancer in Blonde. My eyebrows are a funky shade of nothing…not white, not blonde, not brown, not—you get the idea. I have a terrible time finding just the right shade to look natural against my fair skin and not look stenciled on.  This does it.  It’s a tinted wax pencil (no sharpening required) on one end and a gold highlighter on the other.  The highlighter (meant for the brow bone) is a great all over eyelid shade for day time, so this product is a two-for-one.  It also works great on the inner corner of the eyes at night.

8.  Herbal Essences Tousle Me Softly products. This creates I just spent the day at the beach waves without having to deal with the salt, sand or sun.  Love the spray gel. Not sticky or heavy, just natural looking, touchable wavy hair.

9.  Boots #7 Gentle Foaming Face Wash.  I love foaming face washes, especially when I wash my face at the sink.  It rinses quickly and cleanly and doesn’t leave my face too “squeaky.”  I use this in the morning before applying moisturizer.

10. Olay Moisturizing Lotion for Sensitive Skin. It’s a classic.  No SPF chemicals, no heavy scent, and it’s cheap enough I can splurge by also using it on the backs of my hands, neck, chest and shins.  Did you know the backs of your hands age faster than your face?! Always, always rub any extra facial moisturizer into the backs of your hands. Don’t waste it and besides, your hands need the extra love anyway!

Crazy in Love

by Ashley Williams

Bristol Palin and the trouble with Christian sex :: Huffington Post

The above link is to an article by Rob Asghar in which he gives three “fundamental problems that arise from the Biblical sexual instruction”: 1) Its rules weren’t intended for modern society; 2) It promises more than it can deliver; 3) It encourages bad faith, not integrity or maturity.  Typically when I read articles like this I roll my eyes and ignore them.  This article is hard to ignore because the truth is, I know a large number of Christians who would agree with what Asghar has to say.  

Asghar’s first point is that the “rules” weren’t intended for modern society.  He goes on to say that people are getting married later and later which makes Paul’s admonition to present one’s body as a holy and living sacrifice to God (Romans 12:1 ) “a great way to never meet that special someone.”  I beg to differ.  

The commands of God are not to ruin our fun, they are to protect us.  We are like children who are excited to play with the shiny, silver object but throw a temper tantrum when our loving parent removes a knife from our grasp.  As a child we don’t understand why we can’t play with the shiny object, but our parent knows it will be harmful to us if we don’t handle it properly - the same goes for sex.  

God’s commands to present our bodies as a holy and living sacrifice and remain pure until marriage are just as applicable today as in biblical times.  Today we know that sex before marriage can lead to sexually transmitted diseases, unplanned pregnancy and an unhealthy chemical connection to our partner.  The Economist reports that chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine can bond us, even addict us, to a sexual partner.  As Einstein said, “I am convinced that He does not throw dice.”  God clearly has a plan for all things, including sex.  These bonds are meant for the context of marriage and the chemical bonds are there to help us eventually establish and maintain a long-term, committed relationship.  These chemical bonds make it more difficult to break off relationships with the wrong partner and can make our judgement hazy when it comes to romance.  

In light of the consequences of sex it seems that sex with one partner is the best option for our mind, body, and emotions - especially in modern society.  

Asghar begins his 2nd point by saying, “[the Biblical view on sex] pooh-poohs any possibility of even some redeeming or meaningful engagement with another human being.”  Clearly the Bible is advocating a redeeming and meaningful engagement to be with one person not many.  He goes on to say that not engaging in pre-marital sex sets the marriage bed up as a far greater good and leads to disappointment.  In addition he states the idea that abstinence in singleness will lead to maximum joy in marriage as being an untrue notion.   With these two points I would agree.  If we are holding sex in higher esteem than God or our relationship, we will absolutely be disappointed.  The reason for getting married and the reason for abstaining until marriage are not to have a great sex life.  

Abstaining from sex until marriage is only one area in which we are called to holiness and obedience.  The reward for obedience is a full, free and joyful life - it is the unholy life that leads to bondage and misery.  Asghar can think what he wants, but it seems that giving yourself intimately and vulnerably to person after person and hoping that one of them will commit to you is infinitely more painful than obediently waiting for your lifelong partner.  Sure the former has its moments of pleasure, but that pleasure comes with much higher consequences.  

With Asghar’s final point, I would also agree.  The many Christians out there who are disobeying God do show “bad faith and a lack of integrity and maturity.” Christians who are living a lifestyle that is not pleasing to God while acting as if they are righteous and holy are hypocrites.  Please, don’t misunderstand me, we all fail, we all struggle, we all fall short - to act like we don’t, that is hypocritical.  

In the end, the ways of God will always be foolish to the world.  I urge you, if you know God and you trust Him then seek Him.  Seek a relationship with Him, don’t just follow a set of rules.  Following rules without faith will only lead to legalism and your own frustration, but a relationship with God that is followed with obedience will lead to freedom.   And when (not if) you do fall short, please don’t hide it - run to the Him because in Him you will find mercy, grace and help. 

1 CORINTHIANS 1:22-29

 22For indeed Jews ask for signs and Greeks search for wisdom;23but we preach Christ crucified, to Jews a stumbling block and to Gentiles foolishness,24but to those who are the called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.25Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.26For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; 27but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, 28and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, 29so that no man may boast before God.

a smoky stare, undone hair, and a swipe of lipgloss are all you need.

—anthroplogie

l’amour de Dieu est folie. 

l’amour de Dieu est folie. 

Dating-age death sentence

“It’s really hard to walk in a single woman’s shoes — that’s why you sometimes need really special shoes!” - Carrie Bradshaw

Single life definitely isn’t easy … especially when the world around you constantly mentions how lame it is to be single.  I was killing time the other day, browsing my usual gossip sites when I came across this quote about Jessica Biel (post breakup with JT), “Throwing her brother a 20th birthday bash, Jess—who just turned 29 (one year away from the dating age death sentence) —seemed in good spirits at the party.”

The dating age death sentence?  I mean, really?  It’s comments like that that make us feel like our worth has some sort of expiration date.  That kind of pressure causes women to date losers and settle for less than they deserve.  Believe me, I’ve done it myself.  I’ll meet a guy who is okay and talk myself into dating him because he seems good enough.  He’s hot, he’s got swagger, he opens the door for me, he paid for dinner (this is actually a rarity in LA) - never mind that we have nothing in common, have completely different life goals, and that he didn’t ask me one question about myself throughout the dinner he paid for.  After all, I’m getting older, I don’t have time to waste being picky.

But here’s the thing I have to keep reminding myself: I’m not in a race to find a husband.   My life won’t end if I never get married.  But my life and marriage could be nasty if I marry someone just to get married.  But if I wait it out, and wait for the right guy … that kind of marriage has the potential to be magical and life changing.  Not that marriage won’t have it’s very tough times, but the Lord has designed it to be a really incredible relationship between two people.  And the Lord gives us a perfect portrait of what a husband should be and that’s the type of man we need to be dating: 

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body.  “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”  This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband”.   (Ephesians 5:25-33)

To nutshell it.  Here are the bare minimum requirements for a potential huzzband: 

1.  A Christian man who understands what it means to love you like Christ loved the church.

2.  A man willing to humble himself and give himself up for your well being. 

3.  A man who cleanses you - I think this means someone who encourages you daily to be a better person.  Who prays with you and truly comes alongside you as a partner. 

4. Someone who loves you.  Love is not a feeling it’s an action - actually, it’s quite a few actions: patience, kindness, not envying, not boasting, not being proud, not dishonoring you, not being selfish, not being easily angered, keeping no record or wrongs, not delighting in evil, always protecting, always trusting, always hoping and always persevering  

5.  A man you respect. 

This may seem like a tall order, but it’s not.  If God’s word says this is what a good husband should look like, then God can provide that man.  If you’ve reached the oh so horrible dating age death sentence because you’ve been waiting for a man who will love the way God calls him to … then keep waiting because finding love like that is worth the wait.